When I was a little girl, mama and daddy would drop me and Turtle off at Granny’s (in Rocky Mount, NC) for two weeks in the summer. Now, when I was younger, those summer storms scared the mess out of me and it seemed like the Sunday my parents were heading back to Charlotte there were tornado warnings popping up all over the TV. I would sit in front of the TV and cry at the thought of my parents being thrown off the highway from forceful winds. I would cry at the thought of their car being picked up and spun around in a twister. Why was I having those thoughts as an eight and 10 year old? WHY AM I STILL HAVING THOSE THOUGHTS NOW? WHY HAVE I ALWAYS HAD THOUGHTS OF THE WORST POSSIBLE SCENARIO?
I am a worrier and not the most pleasurable situation to be in. And the thing is people; I worry about things that I have no control over. I announced this to my boyfriend today (and I guess he’s already figured this out about me). But I am going to work my HARDEST stop worrying about things I cannot control. I’ve brought it to my attention and it will be resolved. A new mantra (to add to my list of mantras) is the first line of the Serenity prayer. Although the whole prayer is beautiful, I will focus and concentrate on the first line (for the time being), “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.”
Now, about me worrying... I worry about how life will be when my parents pass. I worry about whether or not I’ll be bitten by a bug that will put parasites into my skin when I visit Natalia in Brazil. I worry whether or not the edges of my hair will recess. I worry about how I will teach my children (WHO DO NOT EXIST) to tie their shoes. I worry about whether or not the house I purchase in the future will be haunted. This has to stop. Immediately! For the most part I consider myself to be a pretty much stress free person. But someone who worries all the time, is causing lots of subtle internal damage. I am literally shaking my head at myself now. And giggling at myself too. There are tornadoes threatening to hit the area tonight and tomorrow and I have called my mother about 12 times with tips that I’ve discovered on the Internet. I have harassed my boyfriend and co-workers with my worrying rants. I have eaten myself crazy to keep my overactive nerves calm. Enough is enough. Whatever will be will be. I will forever recite my new mantra over and over again to myself.
GodgrantmetheserenitytoacceptthethingsIcannotchangeGodgrantmetheserenitytoacceptthethingsIcannotchange
GodgrantmetheserenitytoacceptthethingsIcannotchangeGodgrantmetheserenitytoacceptthethingsIcannotchange
GodgrantmetheserenitytoacceptthethingsIcannotchangeGodgrantmetheserenitytoacceptthethingsIcannotchange.
I guess we'll touch on this more later...
Kisses to you all
stacI
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