Course of Events (the way things happen)

It's funny to think about life and the notion that things are already arranged a certain way for each of us. But sometimes I wonder, I wonder about the impact we have on our, "life maps" (so to speak). I wonder if we can manipulate and change things. Okay, so I know we have the ability to make decisions for ourselves, but those inevitable fates... I have vivid pictures painted in my mind of how things SHOULD'VE happened the day my brother died.

~If I would've forced him to ride home with us as regularly planned.

~If I would've been been home, when he got there, to stop him from going out with his friends.

~If I would've been SOMEWHERE to fuss and frustrate him to the point he'd say, "forget it" and stay home with me.

But, none of that happened. After school, he rode home with (idk who) and I went off with my cousin. I got home a few hours later and found a note he'd written to me, letting me know he was going to IHOP, he said nothing a/b going to the lake. I went on with my day and around 4 p.m., I found a business card in the door from a police officer. Somewhere between the, "but, none of that happened" and "going to IHOP" he was physically drifting away from us. Death toyed with him and snatched him from the earth forever. It was 10 years ago, May 25, 2000, on a Tuesday.

Although he's not here, he remains strong in my mind everyday. I wasn't able to intervene and reroute the course of events that were laid for him. And sometimes I still wonder if it was inevitable for him to die on that day. This whole post was a ramble. I'm tired of writing for now.

ttyl
stacI